Autumn Weather Arrives... Finally!!!

On a less serious note, Wednesday was likely the last day of 80 degree weather in Louisville for the rest of 2008. I've studied the forecasted weather patterns for the next two weeks, and it looks like temperatures will average near to slightly below normal in our part of the country. The average high temperature right now in Louisville is about 67 degrees. The next seven days should range between around 62 to 72 degrees during the day. Nights will be chilly, but I just love this time of year! The last half of October is usually my favorite time of year with our peak fall color happening then as well. Anyway, after such a heavy blog about my physical conditions, I thought a little meteorlogy talk would improve the mood a bit. :o)

Health News (Again, Not Good News)

Well, I haven't been blogging because I haven't been certain that I wanted to share the poor health news that continues to barrage me. The arthritis in my back just keeps worsening, and I've had an MRI of the entire spine at this point. I went to a neurosurgeon back on Monday. After waiting two hours to see him, he spent maybe 5 minutes or a little longer with me (my dad came along.) After looking at my MRI films, it was clear that the stabbing sensation I've been experiencing in the center of my back is due to herniated discs in the thoracic spine. There are also bone spurs, typical of an arthritic condition. The neurosurgeon did say my MRI is more consistent with someone who has been in a severe car accident, but I haven't been in an accident since 1997. The arthritis in my back is being treated with Celebrex, Lortab (narcotic), and I just finished a round of prednisone (the tablet.) Of course, steroids lower your immune system even though they have an anti-inflammatory effect. Well, the stabbing pain in the thoracic spine will not go away, even with the steroid treatment. My gp was hoping that I could discontinue the use of the narcotic pain killer, but it helps a great deal. I am so tired of everybody telling me that I'm too young to be experiencing all of this. But, that is one reason they really don't want to perform back surgery. The other is, of course, my weak heart. One friend keeps suggesting to me that I go back to the cardiologist and say that I want a pacemaker. I've heard so many testimonies about the better quality of life produced by the implantation of a pacemaker. I am so tired all the time with the pain that won't cease. The neurosurgeon who saw me for such a brief time, has sent me to a thoracic spine specialist to see next week. There, hopefully, we will have a longer discussion about my options. I really need a pacemaker and back surgery, but I'm only 34 years old still. My gp doesn't want me to be a chronic narcotic pain killer user either, but I don't see a choice if I'm to be comfortable. Anyway, this is why I haven't blogged in so long. Luckily, my psychiatric state right now is stable and I have no complaints in that regard. Strangely, with all of this going on, I keep a really good attitude. I don't know if it's my belief in a higher power or if its a positive trait in my character. It could be both? If any of you readers pray, please put me in your prayers. I believe it can be a powerful tool. Well, I see the specialist next Tuesday. I don't understand why it seems I've been falling apart physically, but I know the apostle Paul wrote about a "thorn in the flesh" that caused him to suffer. Even though he prayed that it be removed, God would not to keep Paul humble. I don't think I have a problem with humility, but maybe God is trying to show me something through it all? I am just so thankful that I have two parents who love me unconditionally and are always by my side, even when I make bad decisions. The only people who call me now are my parents and Louis who I met back in June. Louis is a very sensitive guy and talks with me about my various illnesses in detail and wants to help if he can. We are only friends now, but I am just happy to have a friend who wants to be involved in my life on a regular basis. Thanks for reading! I hope there are solutions to my heart and spine afflictions that will be carried out in the near future! Until later...

Health News And More Ike News

After the weekend, I'm going to have an MRI on the thoracic part of my spine. This part of my back was left out the first time because most problems originate in the cervical or lumbar areas. However, the bone spurs that are compressing nerves in parts of my neck could very well be causing the rather severe pain in the middle part of my back. I cannot straighten my back without major pain now. Bone spurs can be "scraped" away as they are jagged calcium deposits. But, there are risks with surgery, as with any procedure. Right now, we only know of the two in my neck that are compressing the nerves. By the end of next week, my regular doctor and I will know the whole scope of the nerve compressions which are causing the pain from my neck down through the thoracic spine. At the same time I have arthritis and these bone spurs on my spine, I also have hypertonic muscles in my neck, back, and shoulders. My gp, not knowing exactly what is causing this reaction, diagnosed me with fibromyalgia. It could be a side effect of any one or more or combination of the 13 drugs I am taking right now. At one point, I was taking 17 medications, so a reduction of four should be a good thing, but most everyone I know is saying 13 is too much, especially for someone as young as I am.

Several weeks ago, I believe my mental illness changed from one thing and went to another. My original diagnosis was schizoaffective disorder. Well, I haven't heard voices in a very long time. But, about two months ago, I was becoming predominantly manic, most of the time. Its intensity kept getting stronger to the point I felt crazed. Everybody around me noticed it. I was more "chatty" and more upbeat, but soon I was bouncing off the walls and didn't know if I could hurt myself or others. This was the first time in my life I felt like I could harm another human being. I had been suicidal in my life, but I had never been truly manic before, never to the point that I was about to snap. Luckily, I was able to get into my psychiatrist's office the very day I called, being I told them I could be either suicidal or homicidal. He looked into my eyes and knew this was no joke. So, one of my medicines was doubled in dose, a drug used for bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, and another drug was introduced, primarily used for mania. Within two days, I felt like my old self again. A few people missed my really sociable personality, but most were glad I stabilized and became the old me. Anyway, the main point is I think I am now more bipolar than schizoaffective. I am on that one drug that works for both schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, but if that medication was removed, I really don't believe I'd hear voices again. I would just be afraid of the mania returning. It's strange. Mania, in some ways, feels really good. It's like being really pumped up and excited in a good way. However, its harmful potential is too great to allow it to occur.

Well, I am glad to be back home in the air conditioning after staying at my parents' house for three days. The afternoon temperatures are rising to near 90 degrees F here at the end of the week, even though the nights have been cool. I feel so bad for my folks and my sister. None of them have had electricity since early Sunday. Today, I packed up my refrigerator and freezer. No, actually, I just got a few things to eat for the next few days. I can't afford to "stock up." I have extended an open invitation for any of my family members to come over and stay with me. But, my parents are sort of standing by their generator because it has problems internally. It was driving all three of us crazy while I was staying over there. It would tank and almost shut off then soar like it was about to take off. At least once, it was emitting flames. Unfortunately, my folks have hundreds of dollars worth of food that they are trying to preserve. This is the third time they have had to use the generator, of course the first two times were for relatively brief stints. My father talked to someone from an electric company working on power lines, and they told him that it may be next Tuesday before electricity is restored to the neighborhood... that's about ten days after the "Ike" event. My sister, husband, and kids will probably get power sooner. An adjacent building in their condominium complex has electricity. They are going to a military wedding this weekend, and I told my sister today that she and her husband could get ready over here where it's nice and cool.

As a comparison between two extremely destructive weather events, it was noted on a local news channel that this windstorm knocked out power to about 300,000 households around Louisville whereas the "super" tornado outbreak of 1974 caused between 80,000 and 85,000 households to lose their electricity. Wow! This windstorm, a result of the remnants of Hurricane Ike, was phenomenal!

A Quick Side Note

There is another thing to note about the effects of Hurricane Ike's remnants. It caused schools to be cancelled for an entire week in the Louisville area. This has never happened as a result of a windstorm, nor during the month of September. They plan to have classes resume next Monday with some certainty. Anyway, the last time in history schools had to be closed for such an extended period of time was as a result of a severe winter storm in January 1994 when parts of Kentucky and Indiana had between 15 and 18 inches of snowfall.

Hurricane Ike in the Ohio Valley

Today, electricity was restored to my condominium. It had been out since Sunday around noon. Hurricane Ike, which made landfall in the Galveston, Texas vicinity, made a track up through the Ohio Valley with hurricane force winds widespread in the Louisville area. The official peak wind gust was 81 mph. But, strong tropical storm force winds were sustained throughout the afternoon on Sunday, creating much damage and causing a 75 - 80% power outage for the local utility company, LG&E. In my parents' neighborhood, I saw many trees down, several falling onto housetops, others knocking down power lines. For a while, even telephone service was down. Now, it is four days later, and some businesses are just now getting power restored and opening up once again. LG&E officials have said that some areas might not get power for up to two weeks, 10 to 14 days after the onslought of the powerful windstorm. Usually, the remnants of hurricanes that reach this part of the country only bring torrential rains. But, this one made history! It was a windstorm, and not a rainstorm at all. In fact, little if any rainfall occurred. Unfortunately, Kentucky needs rain desperately. This is traditionally the driest time of year, but lawns are mostly brown and foliage is shriveling. It looks like this autumn season will bring a dry, far from spectacular change in fall color. Dull would probably be a good word to describe it. Well, I will report more about the storm later. There is much to be accomplished after four days without electricity.

Health News and Relationships...

Well, I talked to my regular doctor on the telephone a couple hours ago. I had a MRI done on the cervical and lumbar spine the beginning of last week. It showed nothing other than some general arthritis in the lumbar area, but there was a "moderate" nerve compression on the left side of the C3 and C4 vertebrae in the neck. The arthritic condition in that vicinity was also noted. An epidural type of surgery was mentioned. I guess that would mean injections. However, since the pain is not localized, my doctor did not believe that would helpful. Anyway, he wants me to make another appointment with him to discuss it further. I have asked my father to go with me for support. I really don't want to rely on narcotic pain killers and muscle relaxants for the rest of my life. Something has to be out there that would be beneficial.

Lastly, I was in a relationship that I thought had potential to be long-term. However, it has been reduced to mere friendship now. I'm not going to devalue friendship, but I loved someone who didn't love me back. It's a shame, but I keep telling myself that no one can have too many friends. At least, that's always been my philosophy! I'm giving this other person the space that they have needed, and maybe, just maybe, we will turn out to be really good friends. Actually, we had very good communication, but I was always ignoring the excuses and warning signs. I wanted to believe we were lovers and that this was the next long-term relationship in my life. I guess I was the best of dreamers. Well, I'm going to let things cool off, and like I said, give this individual the space that they even told me they desired. I could listen but not hear, the subtle difference.

A Little Bit of Everything...

It has been almost three weeks now, and I'm still waiting to be referred to get my MRI done. I'm also waiting to hear from the same doctor's office to see when I can visit a neurologist. I was told it might take some time before I can see them, usually several months! Anyway, I am still in a lot of pain. Conversely, I have been feeling very good emotionally this week. I haven't felt this good in a long time. I think the medications are all finally right, the psychotropic ones, even though I am still taking 13 drugs total. Remember 4 of them are pain-related right now. Two are for allergies, two are heart-related, two are to treat the bipolar illness, two are for sleep, and one is for acid reflux. My insurance is crazy. They are more likely to pay for Viagra than they are to pay for a drug for acid reflux. They don't pay for my Clonazepam (Klonopin,) which is a benzodiazepam and is nearly $33 a month. Now, as of this year, they are not paying for my Somnote (the capsule form of Chloral Hydrate.) It is $82 a month. Both of these medicines are largely for sleep. Klonopin tends to keep you more at an even keel as well. Lastly, they stopped paying for Zyrtec, even though it is now generic. That's another $10 to $15 each 100 days. So, even though I have Medicaid, I still put out quite a bit in prescription drugs monthly.

I wanted to take this opportunity to give my condolences to one of my best friends who just lost his father. I can't imagine losing either one of my parents. Even though I don't see eye to eye on most issues with my mother or father, I still love them very deeply. And they not only tell me that they love me, they demonstrate it through many of their actions. I hope both of them are around for many more years, healthy, of course. However, I realize no one knows what the future holds. Who knows, I could go out driving on an errand tomorrow and be killed in an car accident. I'm the youngest, yet I could go first in some kind of tragedy. Like I said, nobody knows. I realize, however, that I don't work, unlike my sister, and I could be there for one or both of my folks, if at any time, they needed help that I could provide. I just hope they remain healthy until it is their time to pass on to the other side. Both of my mother's parents died with a heart that just stopped. Wouldn't that be the best way to leave this earth? Okay, I've talked enough morbidity in one blog. Anyway, Buzz, my thoughts and prayers are with you, your brothers, and especially your mother, as you all work your way through the process of grief. Please communicate with me when you are ready to talk!

Lastly, I have been going through a lot with my relationship with Louis. I think he is afraid of a long-term relationship, because he has never been in one that lasted more than six months. He tells me the other night, ironically the first night that I really started to feel better emotionally, that I can't be all that he needs in a boyfriend. He says that I can't motivate him to do things, to be with his friends and get out of the house as he needs. First of all, I've only met one of his friends at this point, and how could I encourage him to do something with someone I don't even know? I have no idea what any of his male friends are like. I could always support his desire to get out and be with somebody, even without my presence. Apparently, he feels the need to do things and participate in events on a regular basis. A steady relationship can work when one goes out and does something while the other stays home. I have no problem with it, anyway. Then, he tells me that I'm making him feel tied down. He said that he is not the kind of person who has a phone conversation with his significant other every single day. I really have no problem if we don't talk every day. I really enjoy hearing his voice each day, but if he feels less bothered to let a few days go by without conversation, then I guess I'll let it be that way. I really want to have a long-term relationship with Louis. In fact, I told him that I already love him. I have always said it in a manner where he would feel no pressure to respond likewise. I believe we are so complimentary, and there is a lot more about Louis that I like than anything that would be objectionable at all. There are two issues with him that are consistently a problem. First of all, he is always making suggestions. It is not that I care that he would advise me one way or another on an issue, it's just that sometimes he can be a bit on the pushy side. I know it's just because he cares, but he has in the past made suggestions that feel more like demands. However, I must say that he is realizing that he is doing this far too often, which certainly is a start. The other thing, the issue that bothers almost everybody he knows is his tardiness. He is always late!!! I try not to let it bother me, but at times, he is so far behind, that it alters our plans, or at least shortens the time that we spend together. In this area, I don't know if or how I can motivate him to be more prompt. I think the change has to come from within him, and I don't think confronting him all the time will make a difference. Anyway, that's all the lastest concerning the love of my life.